Zempty House

What do you do when your wife and daughter are away, leaving you home alone on a Thursday night? Prepare a blog post for an actual workday Friday morning. The first one in, like, forever!

First off, thanks again to all of you who came to our party. Much effort was put into the costumes and we appreciate it. One downside is that we probably overestimated the number of people who had seen (or even knew about) Tangled, so our costumes didn’t quite have the full effect to most people. If you like a bit of Disney magic, do yourself a favour and get some Rapunzel (and Flynn) in your life and watch it.

Anywho, onwards and upwards…

“I honestly didn’t think you could even USE emoji in variable names. Or that there were so many different crying ones.”

#winning

“If you encounter a hex bolt, but you only brought screwdrivers, you can try sandwiching the head of the bolt between two parallel screwdriver shafts, squeezing the screwdrivers together with a hand at either end, then twisting. It doesn’t work and it’s a great way to hurt yourself, but you can try it!”

Mind, asplode.

Linkies:

Game of Thrones pick up lines.

Stupid questions to ask a parent of a newborn.

Geek babies.

Viteo day!…

Who remembers the Dumb Ways To Die video done by the Melbourne(?) metro? Well, somebody went and changed the visuals to Game of Thrones related deaths. (Spoilers if you’re like two seasons behind.)

By now I assume everyone’s seen the new Star Wars teaser? (If you haven’t, go find it before watching this next one.) You get all them feels? Matthew McConaughey did.

Now, back to the images…

#avengers

#AgentsOfWinning #PhilSonOfCoul

Wow, that’s impressive. But it can’t be just any English accent. It has to be Michael Caine.

I always thought the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage. #PerfectDark

Speaking of which, does anybody watch Star Wars Rebels? Who else thinks that Sabine looks like Joanna Dark (N64 version)?

#DarthFader

R2 Lightyear? Buzz D2?

And finally:

Have a good weekend!

This is the end…

… Of my 20’s…

Today is Friday and tomorrow I turn 30. What better way to celebrate than with a Friday Funny post? I said on my last post (Boxing Day) that it’d be my last for a while (and so it has), but within hours of posting that I was already saving funnies for my next post. I thought it would’ve come before now, but here we are. We’ve got months to catch up on, so get in a comfortable position, and enjoy…

Actually, before I start, just a quick housekeeping message. If you haven’t already, please RSVP for our party (either in the affirmative or negative). We need to know numbers really soon. Thanks.

We continue…

And what was wrong with a chaotic neutral halfling thief/rogue named Garret Tosscobble?

And now, lot’s of links (some may be of April Fools origin):

http://www.dorkly.com/post/57349/the-8-types-of-tolkien-fans

http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=1364

http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/suntory-whisky-3-d-printed-worlds-most-incredible-ice-cubes-163782

http://home.web.cern.ch/about/updates/2015/04/cern-researchers-confirm-existence-force

http://stack.net.au/movies/news/keanu-reeves-to-star-in-mitchell-johnson-biopic

http://laluzdejesus.com/jose-rodolfo-loaiza-ontiveros-dishollywood-the-laluzapalooza-jury-winners/

http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=3977

http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=4019

http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=4065

http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=4040

http://www.littleuniverse.me/Twinkle_Twinkle.htm

http://www.iflscience.com/technology/computer-scientists-generate-self-aware-mario-can-learn-and-feel

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/139380-This-Random-D-D-Character-Generator-Certainly-Has-Attitude

http://www.geeksaresexy.net/2014/02/13/what-if-doctor-who-was-an-american-show/

” From this particular phase in history we derive the phrase, “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts,” when it would be much more logical to derive the phrase, “Beware of Trojans, they’re complete smegheads!” ” (Full conversation)

This.

Note to self: remember this. Although, at the moment Chloe would go for fruit just as much as chocolate. Not that she’s had too much chocolate yet…

Why don’t I have these yet?

And maple syrup. And bacon. Yep.

So much win.

I think we’re already there.

I thought this was good even before I saw the brand name.

“… I’ll be in my bunk.”

Finally, videos:

And all that jazz…

What better way to recover from your Christmas hangover than some Friday Funnies (it’s even Friday!)? The Boxing Day Test, you say? Well, I have faith in you that you can do both at the same time. Maybe even with a beer in your other hand.

Now, I know it’s been a fair whack of time between drinks, so together with Christmas funnies, I still have some random ones from Thanksgiving and other events a while ago. Which brings me to the next point, this may be the last blog post. I’m not saying it’ll be forever, but I’m not planning on doing any others any time soon. I’m just not feeling it as much any more. It may mean I’ll actually publicly share a few more things on Facebook, instead of saving them all for the blog. I may even use Twitter for certain things. (I’m toying with the idea of starting the hashtag #MattsMondayMusings, but that will come when it comes. If it comes.)

As such, I have a bazillion funnies to come, so sit back, relax and enjoy…

Wow.

“GENERAL JAN DODONNA: An analysis of the plans provided by Princess Leia has reinvigorated the arguments of the ‘artificial moonlet’ and ‘rogue planet-station’ camps. I fear this question is fracturing the Rebellion.”

Video time!

Cone, done, gone.

Yep.

I feel like this is giving away the punchline before the end. I’d have written it “Drinking rum before 10am doesn’t make you an alcoholic, it makes you a pirate.”

Is this true? I don’t particularly partake in the toast.

Book in the engine room with Vera?

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Not necessarily…

Linky time!

Satirical article on DJing

How to make a Serenity scarf

Flemish superheroes

Reimagined superhero movie posters

Sandstorm Christmas lights

Historical Star Wars photos

Speaking of Sandstorm, when did it become popular again? I remember when it came out in 99. It wasn’t quite my thing. Then Darude’s second track Feel The Beat came out, and I was hooked.

*Matthew Reilly, transporting his Han Solo in Carbonite.

True story.

#elfie

*Behind the scenes of Agents of SHIELD

This.

This is crazy awesome.

Introductory Calculus for Infants was Chloe’s first book. Have seen the others, but didn’t think they were that great.

How do I even know this?

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It’d be terrible, but it’d also be quintessential 80’s, which may make it kind of good.

Trogdor!

And finally:

Buzzer Beater

Look, it’s even Friday. Still. Been a while again, so lots to go through. Halloween, SMBC, other random stuff… Shout out to Andy. Who’s dandy. And BRIGHT… (That was in a sing-song voice.) It’s his birthday today and he was disappointed with the lack of funnies. So here. Or there. Whatever…

Well that’s somewhat disturbing. Yet clever.

Surely that wasn’t the initial plan?… Looked pretty deliberate though.

Linkies:

http://twistedsifter.com/2014/11/austin-light-illustrates-movie-titles-with-one-letter-removed/

http://displate.com/iconic-characters

http://encurious.com/post/90692964098/pictures-enrage-control-freak-ocd

This is so win!… Anja and Marty?

Trust Nathan to get the dual sabre.

#truth

Nathan teaching his TV-daughter correctly. #browncoat

Just in case you missed my Facebook post… (Yes, that’s Joss and Nathan and it’s all win.)

#truth

#winning

#winning

Buffy as Leia for Halloween. #winningtheinternet

Salutations

A few of you have had birthdays since the last post, so high-five to you. This post is just for you. No, not really, it’s for everyone!

Classy.

Wonder Woman invisible jet Lego set.

Skipping rocks on a frozen lake. (Actually watch the video. From about 3:50. Sounds like win.)

Well played.

Nothing bad could ever come out of this…

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

That is some seriously significant mashing up right there.

(Armin van Buuren and Andrew Rayel if you didn’t realise.)

Because you’re worth it

Yep. It has been a fortnight, so lots to get through…

Let’s start with a little Fresh Prince flashback:

I don’t particularly understand, but it is funny.

Lego DOOM:

Pythagoras. Yeah.

Pretty much.

Linky: disturbing kids’ books.

He’s both to me. (But really, he’ll always be my captain, first and foremost.)

That has a nice symmetry to it.

Coincidentally, I was out with people when I found this on my phone. I did however do the right thing and show everyone at the table what I was laughing at.

And yet I’m always finding them around the place. Sometimes in the most random spots.

I would totally use a few of these. Especially the “Like (except for the typos)”.

And for bringing me down gently when I’m high.

Pretty much.

Epic cosplaying kid.

Lego retro gaming lamps FTW!

Nice.

Not that I’ve found any as yet. /brag_post

Just like Kevin Bacon!

Yes. That is Sean Maher. Wearing a metallic Jayne hat. I think he just won the internet.

Finally, because for some reason I find it particularly amusing, this:

Did you miss me?

To be honest, I haven’t particularly missed you (in the whole blog/reader relationship). I’ve been supporting my footy team, spending time with my daughter and really I haven’t stopped finding funnies. Just the whole putting them all together I hadn’t got around to. See here we go. Some might seem slightly outdated, but that’s because they’ve been waiting for me to post. Still worth it though. Enjoy.

May be shopped, but still win.

tl;dr… Comic Sans bad.

Linky time…

John Malkovich recreating famous photos.

Cool Lego creations.

AFL as a high school.

Duct tape Serenity.

And we’re moving…

Did you see that?:

I haven’t yet been able to watch the series back to back like this. At the very least I need some time after Out Of Gas to recover from the pure awesomeness of the best episode of any TV show ever.

Not greatly humorous. More just that I want to pick on the smallest play bit. Definitely not Boomer. If Jakey Neade tried the same thing, their heads wouldn’t have knocked as he isn’t tall enough.

Okay, so maybe not many of you watch NCIS Los Angeles, but this ‘shop is pretty good. LL Cool J as Gandalf. Yep.

Well played.

And finally…

Start the working week with a laugh

Yeah, it might be Sunday night, but I did say post may be delayed or non existent. Plus me and Rog went out whisky tasting Thursday night when I’d normally do it, so yeah, Scotch.

Fo real. Moar.

The way we use tech related humorous article.

Anti ice bucket related funnies.

To be honest, when the ice bucket challenge started, wasn’t it do the ice bucket OR donate?…

Isn’t Dewar’s White Label a whisky? Pretty sure I have a bottle in the cupboard…

Yeah, this was me. Probably no hope for Chloe…

Fo real. Moar.

Yeah, I’m kind of worried about Richmond. Still think Port can get the job done next weekend.

Because Port won good and stuff

Yep, home from the footy and loved the thrashing Port gave Carlton. Friday Night Footy at it’s best. But that’s not what you came here for… Enjoy.

Nerd engagement rings.

Probably makes some sense if you’ve actually seen the 50 Shades trailer.

#quality

Yes.

Cutest little Serenity crew ever. Jewel wins again.

David Blue says some pretty funny things. Follow him. (For those of you playing along at home and have no idea who he is, be gone I say and don’t come back until you’ve watched all episodes of Stargate SG1, Atlantis and Universe.)

Finally:

Oh captain, my captain

And for once that’s not in reference to Nathan Fillion… I’m not one to normally say anything about a celebrity’s passing, but goddamn Robin Williams? You only had to watch the outtakes at the end of each episode of The Crazy Ones to see that he was still in his prime of improvisational comic genius. So sad.

Well, that’s just about one of the saddest things I’ve seen in a long while… I think Chloe and I may need to sit down and watch Aladdin over the weekend.

Second star to the right, and straight on till morning.

WoW / Robin Williams related link.

We continue…

Another random link.

Yep.

Well that’s interesting. That’s very interesting…

If Chloe wants to, would definitely allow.

Except Montana/Banana only rhyme in an American accent. Stupid Americans.

Tiny Serenity is tiny. #leafonthewind

Yeah, ignore the bottom bit.

Disclaimer: I haven’t seen Guardians of the Galaxy yet, but I do know that Groot is somewhat of a Hodor/Pokemon thing.

Finally, last week’s post managed to break my record for the number of views on a single day (which has stood since what I believe was an incorrectly weighted calculation on my very first post). 46 views may not be high in the great scheme of things, but when you think that in the beginning I only used to distribute Friday Funnies to 3 or 4 people via email at work, it’s a significant increase. So high-five to you all!

Oh, and I’m currently (literally) in training in Mawson Lakes and will probably be walking around the lake at about 12:45/1pm today, most likely anti-clockwise, if anyone wanted to plan accordingly to go in the opposite direction for a tactical high-five.